Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
