Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
