I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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