So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize