I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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