Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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