I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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