worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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