My liver just broke up with me...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
