dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
