I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
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