I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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