So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
