apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
