we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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