i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
