I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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