i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
