we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
