I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
