my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
