im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
