Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize