Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
