My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
