PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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