the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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