He uses pillows to masturbate.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
