im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
