Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
