Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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