Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I think your dad took our porno
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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