when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
