Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
