You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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