dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
