Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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