A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just had sex bonerless
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
