I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
