You made me cry and you don't even care
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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