when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
