My liver just broke up with me...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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