So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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