I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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