Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
