After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
