How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
