if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
