I wish my penis had an off switch
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
