I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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