I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
