Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
