I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
