is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
