I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
