she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
