he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize