I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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