i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
