you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
