Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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