I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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