i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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