When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
