we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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