oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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