who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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