You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
