how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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