I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
