Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
