Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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