I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
